This is the first time I'm posting on this in three years. Wow. Things have changed a lot...take me for instance: Pretty darn different after three years. I only signed in so i could comment on Jessica Linn's xanga. She is married and pregnant now which is another thing that was very different three years ago.

Well, im taking a class called Gift and Gratitude and its taught by Dr. Leithart and has inspired me greatly (in otherwords, is the only motivation i have for this last term of my junior year of NSA).

I think after writing this entry, i remember why i havent posted anything new in about three years.

Later...

IS THIS THE NATHAN I KNOW'S LIFE?

          Well, a few weeks ago, the hypocritical pastor of my school asked the seniors into his office at separate times to try to convince them to go to the newly set up IBC college, yet another branch of International Baptist Church. Well, i went in there thinking i would just brush him off and whatnot. He asked if i thought this was Gods will to which i replied yes, whether i thought this would hinder me spiritually to which i replied no blah blah blah. Anyway, he then asked "Would you at least pray about going to a Christian College?" (For those of you who dont know, i had plans to go to FIT to study fashion design). I did however agree to pray and ask God if it was His will that i went to a Christian College.

    Well, lately (very lately actually. for the longest, ive had no prayer life at all.), i have had a thriving prayer life. I pray for my unsaved friends, upcoming events, decisions i make, people going through tough times etc etc. Anyway, i started incorporating the asking about Gods will for my life.

      My dad asked me on Friday night if i was free to have lunch with him on Saturday. I thought it strange and remarked "what do you want or need?" to imply that i dont just get "taken out" unless somethings going on but he said there wasnt and i said fine. So, saturday morning, im in the shower and im thinking about how i stil havent heard anything from FIT and i start praying "God if you dont want me to go to FIT then dont let me get in." then i pray "God, if you want me to go to a Christian college, then dont let me get into FIT.", " God if i dont get into FIT i will go to a Christian college so let me know what to do."

        So, im out with my dad, we drive over to the Olive Garden. I fill him in about school, my band that is slowly coming together, my friends, my LIFE. Somewhere through the meal, he says " I have something to tell you" and i said "okay" He took an envelope out of his pocket and said "You got a letter from FIT and it was a rejection notice. I didnt want to tell you the day it came because i didnt want you to be upset during your school play." I about died. Not because i was upset but because it was the fastest answer God had ever given me. He was telling me that He didnt want me to go to FIT and that he wanted me to go to a Christian college. I was definitely scared but not upset.

        Anyhow, we started discussing options like PBU in Philadelphia where i know many people and the city sort of. Sounded good to me. The night after, i come home and he tells me he wants me to consider New St. Andrews....in IDAHO! IDAHO PEOPLE, IDAHO! Well, it ends up, we're taking a trip down there very soon. I know people there too but im sort of scared im mean its freaking Idaho. I lived in Brooklyn for the last 15 years. Well, we shall see what the Lord has in store. I want to follow His will but i sure dont want to leave everything i have here and then i started wondering maybe thats exactly what im supposed to do. Weird, huh? I guess I'll find out in due time. But i AM scared. Just not terrified and i dont know why. Well, yeah so im going to a christian college but i dont know which one yet. 

SPUR OF THE MOMENT!

       I want one of those bubble pipes so bad! you guys remember rite? you put them in that little tray and they you blow bubbles out of the pipe...bubble pipes rock...also i want those little kid sunglasses that have the frames in the shape of stars...those are so kewl. okay...yeah

LAST WEEKEND'S EVENTS OF JOYOUS DELIGHT (SOME OF THEM ANYWAY...HEE HEE)

Event of Joyous Delight #1 : Last Sunday night, Bethany and I made a shirt together over the phone. Yes, thats rite. A shirt over the phone...how cool are we...come on now people. This is how Easter evening should be spent! I was going to see The Used on monday and we were talking about what i would wear. I wanted to wear a collar shirt with a tie but wearing jeans and bright shoes. We agreed this was legit but why just settle for legit.(you all know how me and Bethany are ....and if you dont, you will after i tell you) Bethany said it would be pretty spamn kewl if i were to mess up one of my dress shirts and after some slight hesitation, i went along. So, I got a shirt out of my closet that i hadnt worn in about two years and i destroyed it. I cut the sleeves of at Bethanys command and then i cut it so it was shorter then i proceeded onto the collar to make it raggedy and THEN, the kewl touch which again i have to thank Bethany for....i stuck a hole in the chest with scissors and then ripped it with my hands so there was a big hole thing and put a huge safety pin to keep it together. Since then, i have proceeded to sew buttons onto the pocket and sew my name in with red thread on the collar. ITS TRUE I TELL YOU! and now, i believe it is complete.Course for Bethany and I, you never know...Perhaps she will have more suggestions when she comes to visit next month! ahhhhhhh.        VUNDERBAR!

     So, its Monday and Im supposed to go to Jons house (Jon is my friend/bandmate/mebutnotme/showgoing partner/buddy man...how do you like that description, Ben? tee hee) because were going to see The Used not to mention i havent seen him since my trip to Hawaii which was over a month ago and we had many ideas with music and such. So my guitar and i take a bus to the train, a train to Atlantic, switch to the LIRR and then switch at Jamaica Station, get on another train and switch again at Huntington to take me to Smithtown. On the way, i listened to One True Thing, The Ridlin' Kids, and Kittie. So i get there and then i call him but his moms not home so i wait and wait probably for like an hour and then she comes.

    After im picked up, we proceed back to Jons house. (by the way, Jordan and Joe-John are with us. They are friends of Jon who are also staying over and are also going to the concert.I had met Jordan before but only heard about Joe-John). Once at the house, we eat a dinner thingy which was made up of scrumptious Easter leftovers...ham...and stuff....and ham....mmmmmmm.

Event of Joyous Delight #2:  Jon asks us if we want to play PS2 which didnt seem all that appealing until he said " i have CONTRA." Now for those of you who dont know, CONTRA is an ancient Nintendo game and probably one of the finest. Jon had the new one for PlayStation2. So, i so played but found myself a tad dismayed at the difficulty level... hee hee... not only that but they also totally changed the story that the guy killed his partner, wiped out 80% of the human race and now hes teamed up with this cyborg chick who of course i was destined to play as. Anyway, it was SOOO kewl but pretty tough. ah, joyous delight with a kick....

    Soon, we realized we had better get going. The shirt comes out of the bag and goes on. OH YES DEARIES...OH YES....So we get to the Sportscenter where the show is being held and all i see is this massive line that makes my eyes feel exhausted just by looking at it. Then we spot some of Jons friends and we cut the line...then we see some others and, well, cut again. So we're there waiting so long and i decide to do my facepainting. For those of you who are confusaled by this statement, i shall expand: i have white face paint that i put on my face in Indian type patterns above my eyebrows and down my nose.

Event of Joyous Delight #3: Seeing peoples faces when they glanced over to see me with my painted face. Ah, joyous delight of not caring about suburban "punk" kids who come out of their moms mercedes benzes all clad in The Used t-shirts to play Snakes on their cell phones in circles while waiting for the corporate punk band that they love-to play a show. mwah ha ha...i shall expand on my dislike of suburban punk later in my entry...

Event of Joyous Delight #4: The security asking if my facepaint is related to having SARS. haaaaaaaa ha haaa!

         So, were finally inside.Im getting to know Jordan a lot more and am starting to think hes a lot kewler than i did before. Then, theres Joe-John who im also getting to know. Joe-John is a psycho. a Psycho!

Event of Joyous Delight #5: JOE JOHN IS A PSYCHO!

       Our whole thing is to stick together because this is Joe John's (who by the way is psycho) first rock concert though hes been to a freaking bob dylan concert and thinks absolutely nothing of it. So, the music starts and these doors open into this giant room and Jon just runs.....ha...so im behind him and i see him running and then i see this huge circle of pumped suburban boys form right around him and i laugh to myself and say, yeah right!, and turn to go to the side. Once im there, i chill for a bit. Im diggin the band and then i see Jordan so i go over and im like dude, wheres joe-john and hes like i so dont know...out of nowhere Jon comes and hes like "dude, i so got hurt in the mosh pit and i fell on my butt" to which we all are caught with a small bout of laughter and then we all just listen to this great band. Then, they stop and say theres cd samplers in the back so we run over there, get cd samplers (and i get two pins) and we find Joe-John and we return to the side of this wonderful big stage where the performers are doing such kewl kewl things like swinging guitars around themselves, jumping, and standing on speakers while belting out perfect emo-core riffs...

       So, after they play a really crazy band comes up and by this time were in the second row right in front of the speakers and my ears are yelling at me but obviously i cant hear them because im right in front of the speakers! ha. so they were fun to watch but not so fun to listen to...i was sort of into it. After that, this other band comes out and they mustve thought they were The Used cuz they played SO long that we were begging for them to just end. Eventually they did but then we waited sooooo long for The Used to come out. The people who worked there were throwing water bottles into the audience and were splashing some kids, pouring water into others mouths and there was some dumb chick behind me who didnt like it cuz she was scared her hair was gonna get wet and i was like "listen, id rather your hair look crappy which it already does then have me dehydrate in the midst of a thousand smelly, sweaty suburban punk kids" note, i didnt SAY this...i just thought it. While waiting, Jon spots Melanie from One True Thing who we had seen a couple of months before and its the band i was listening to on the way there and i was like, oh my gosh it is!

Event of Joyous Delight#6: I scream from the top of my lungs and Melanie points her finger at herself like "me?" and i give the oh so kewl nod "yes, YOU" and so she comes over at the command of my waving hand. So, she comes and we chat a bit. she says she remembers us and signing Jons shoe from the last show so then she starts talking to Jon and she doesnt talk to me anymore until she leaves and she waves goodbye.....must have been the face paint. I dont have SARS people! oh yes, joyous delight with a broken heart.....

         We're still waiting for The Used and finally they appear and everyone is cheering and the lead singer (who by the way is SO SO SO SO skinny its remarkable...thats why i remarked about it) and he bluntly says "alrite, SHUT UP! LISTEN!" so everyone does and he gives this whole big speech about how the fire marshall wont let them play because theres 700 people OVER the limit in the giant room and its a fire hazard. So noone believes him because they think its just one of those things where you make everyone scared and then you play and everyone loves you so you feel good cuz theyre so scared you wont play....BUT it wasnt. He screamed "yeah, rock and roll", threw the microphone up in the air and then walked off stage.

     The guys who had to take everything off the stage were so in a bad situation. Everyone had kept their bottles and were throwing them as hard as they could at them, cursing at them, hurling shoes at them and all sorts of things.....poor guys.....i felt kinda bad as i cackled in my pity for them. We were then told to leave the building which we didnt have a problem with. what were we gonna do in there with no bands playing?

      So, here it goes: when i get outside of the big room and outside of the Sportscenter, i take a look at my bag only to see 5 of my pins missing...5 OF MY PINS.......MISSING! GONE! Only one of them still has the metal piece attached and the cap is gone but the other four are completely removed clean in a row. Are you getting the picture? SOME STUPID WANNABE PUNK KIDS FROM SUBURBIA STOLE FOUR OF MY BAG'S PINS! MY BAG'S PINS! I was in such utter shock...no anger at first...just unbelief. In the shows i go to in Brooklyn, i could leave a jacket, my bag, a cell phone and my wallet and just about guarantee you that no punk kid would steal anything from me! Isnt that some sort of unwritten code? Punk kids dont STEAL from other PUNK kids.....it was SO wrong....

      Jon's mom picks us up and we go back to the house where she has dessert laid out on the table. Brownies, candies, and all the like. YUM. still not a complete consolation. We then have some conversation and the boys discover i have never seen Kung Pow. So, they tell me i have to watch it which i do.

Event of Joyous Delight #6: Kung Pow! with lines like, "from now on, you will call me....mm... BETTY" and "knock knock, whos there...your butt thats about to be kicked by ME!" and "oooee oooee oeeee!" this movie is a gem. maybe only at 2:00 at the morning after a night like min but nonetheless i thoroughly enjoyed it. YES BETHANY YOU SHOULD SEE IT IF YOU HAVENT ALREADY. i thought of you while watching it....

         Well, all three of them fell asleep during it so i had to turn everything off and then i went to bed. When i awoke, we took showers and went to get some food. We ate and then it was practice time. (For those of you who havent heard already, Jon asked Jordan to be in the band the night of the concert without asking me but we talked about it and we're kewl.) Jon taught Jordan the bass part he had come up with for our song and once he learned it, the three of us played together with a new intro and bridge part courtesy of Jon's wonderful picking skills. Afterwards, Jon got carried away with himself and played like the entire Glassjaw cd which i was just not about to stay for since i have it and listen it all the time, not to mention it upsets me when jon goes into his own world and disincludes certain others....ahem!

        SO, joe-john and i went and played more CONTRA only to find once again that it was really hard. Then, we all went to see Malibus Most Wanted which was so not that good but nonetheless had some very humorous parts and i had fun anyhow except that i was shushed when a spice girls song came on before the movie started and i sang along. I mean, it was Say Youll Be There. come on guys! its just a hot song. im sorry.....okay whatever....

     We went back to jons house, had dinner and then i was driven back to the station where i would once again, make the long journey home and i did make it home or else i wouldnt be here telling the story. And thats that for today. this is huge. dont hate. appreciate. The bands that opened were Story of the Year (whose cd we bought and love) My Chemical Romance, and Thrice. Thank you and good afternoon. Later......

NOTABLE OCCURENCES FROM SCHOOL LAST WEEK

      In grammar class last week, my teacher read us an article from a professor from a highly recommended college. The article spoke about how he gives his students high grades regardless of their work or participation because he wants them to stay in his class. In otherwords, he gives everyone high grades so he doesnt lose his job. Is that not pathetic? He also said that many other teachers at the college are part of this new trend as well. Can anyone tell what that smells like? COMMUNISM! We had to write a paper about what we would have written as a reply. Mine went as follows:

To whom it may concern,

        Recently, I read an article in your paper by Mr. Stuart Rojstczer.  The article was on the recent trend of giving high grades to students, regardless of their input.  Personally, the article upset me.  It's bad enough that students are as lazy as they already are, but to continue to lower the standards is just perpostorous.  In giving high grades to bad students, you set them uip for a life of expecting something for nothing.  Also, giving grades of equal merit to those who don't deserve them discourages hard-working students to continue in their valuable ethincs.  In fact, the entire stystem sounds quite Communistic to me.  Soon, there will be no motivation to do anything because ther won't be any benefits.  This trend that has been developed is not only hurting students presently but will affect generations to come in a terrible way.  Mr. Rojstaczer is an even more responsible position, however, because he is aware of the situation and the problems it breeds but decides to join in on it as well.  I hope that my children are never caught dead in a class that is taught by Mr.  Rojstaczer or any professor remotely like him.  He is a very bad man!

                                                  A very disturbed parent,

                                                         Nathan Weinbaum

       yeah, i was really into it SO i wrote a song about it:

Progressive Education

They've dropped the bar a little lower, made the pace a little slower...Now we're all the same. Theres a reason we're not going higher and its because we're under liars. Dont we look so humane?

You do nothing. I work hard...for the same reward. Might as well slack off a bit since nothing gets me more...

This is the way they want this world to work but not the way that I do. Let them set your attitude, your ethics, and you havent the slightest clue.

Im waiting for the exorcism cuz i had a vision of a great collision. Is anyone familiar with communism? maybe socialism, yes im tired of isms!

You do nothing. I work hard...for the same reward. Might as well slack of a bit since nothing gets me more...

This is the way they want this world to work but not the way that I do. Let them set your attitude, your ethics, and you havent the slightest clue....but NOW you do.........

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      Also, last week at school in Literature class, we read The Noble Prize Speech of William Faulkner. i LOVE this man now. Ben Hodges had been telling me how great he was but i had no idea. In the latter part of his speech, Faulkner writes:

  ...the young man or woman writing today has forgotten the problems of the human heart in conflict with itself which alone can make good writing because only that is worth writing about, worth the agony and the sweat.

    He must learn them again.  He must teach himself that the basest of all things is to be afreaid and, teaching himself that, forget it forever, leaving no room in his workshop, for anything but the old verities and truths of the heart, the old universal truths lacking which any story is ephemeral and doomed-love and honor and pity and pride and compassion and sacrifice.  Until he does so, he labors under a curse.  He writes not of love but of lust, of defeats in which nobody loses anytihng of value, of victories without hope and worst of all, without pity or compassion.  His griefs grieve on no universal bones, leaving no scars (that is so my favorite line) He writes not of the heart but of the glands.

    Until he relearns these things, he will write as though he stood among and watched the end of man. I decline to accept the end of man.  It is easy enough to say that man is immortal simply becasue he will endure: that when the last ding-dong of doom has clanged and faded from the last worthless rock hanging tideless in the last red and dying evening, that even then there will still be one more sound: that of his puny inexhaustible voice, still talking. (thats a great one too) I refuse to accept this. I believe that man will not merely endure: he will prevail  He is immortal, not because he alone among creatures has an inexhaustible voice, but because he has a soul, a spirit capable of compassion and sacrifice and endurance.  The poet's, the writer's, duty is to write about these things. It is his privelige to help man endure by lifting his heart, by reminding him of the courage and honor and hope and pride and compassion and pity and sacrificie which have been the glory of his past.  The poet's voice need not merely be the record of man, it can be one of the props, the pillars to help him endure and previal.

WOW rite?? Its so amazing! Its like i want to take that approach in my writing now. I dont totally agree with the immortal man and stuff but i think many of his points are superb. I couldnt believe it when i read it. Hes so great. okay kids. goodnite.